All Riled Up

I'm not sure who I am anymore. I'm utterly confused between my wants, dreams and actual capabilities.
Sometimes, I look at my past work and couldn't see myself in it. Like it belongs to someone else, someone very different.

What happened?

I have a terribly bad memory and I think it's going to take a toll on me when I'm old.
It's been a while since I was last inspired. Maybe because I think too much, or maybe because there's just too many unfinished business; probably both.

I feel like starting afresh but I don't think conditions permit - and even if I am able to afford such luxury, how do I get the assurance I won't fail again?

It's this merry-go-round affair that's been toiling me for over 4 years.

It's not an obvious one, but I do have split personalities. It's in this head of mine. I want two very opposite things at the same time. I imagine two different realities that I want to be in and as soon as I land on one, the other personality jumps in, takes control and steers the other direction. A part of me wants to be this person people look up to, the other just wants a simpleton life.

I only hope we can find a common ground soon or this will be one hell of a ride.